


Words Unsaid

by blazingsnark



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: I'M SORRY I HAD TO KILL HIM, M/M, hue hue hue hue HUE HUE HUEEEEEEEEEEE, tho if I post the second part then it won't be quite as sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:06:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4924243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazingsnark/pseuds/blazingsnark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The longer I stand here<br/>The louder the silence<br/>I know that you're gone<br/>But sometimes I swear that I hear<br/>Your voice when the wind blows<br/>So I talk to the shadows<br/>Hoping you might be listening<br/>'Cause I want you to know</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> Song credit goes to Skylar Grey's "Words Unsaid".

Elsword sank down beneath the pine tree. The rough bark scratched at his back, but he let it. The wind blew around him, making his shaggy hair tickle his face and neck, but he let it. He simply stared into the thickening pine forest in front of him, using the quiet of the night and the cover of darkness to let his thoughts drift to Raven.

 

_Always in a rush_

_Never stayed on the phone long enough_

_Why was I so self-important_

 

It was just a battle. Just one stupid recon battle, a mission they'd completed many times for many different reasons. The first mission from Hamel, though, and the first mission in which one of Elsword's rash decisions had left a lasting impact.

 

_Said I'd see you soon_

_That was, oh, maybe a year ago_

_Didn't know time was of the essence_

 

He remembered Raven's rare grin as they went into that fight. That had been exactly one month ago, though it felt to be twelve times longer at this point. It was just the outskirts of Resiam. It shouldn't have been a problem. They weren't expecting that many demons to be there, weren't expecting buildings to fall on them.

“See you on the other side,” Elsword had said jokingly as they had split up to deal with a group of demons. Raven had nodded in agreement, eyes bright with adrenaline and precise focus. Elsword remembered Raven's long coat blowing in the sea breeze, the fur-lined edges ruffled from the speed of Raven's fighting.

 

_So many questions_

_But I'm talking to myself_

_I know that you can't hear me anymore_

 

That bloodstained jacket had been torn up and mangled when the demons cleared. His blade had been lying next to it, forgotten. Raven would _never_ have left his blade behind, unless he had no other choice. Elsword had run to them, forgetting even his sword until his sister had yelled at him to help them fight, and maybe they could still recover Raven's body.

_She_ hadn't fallen in love with the half-Nasod man.  _She_ couldn't have known how much her instant assumption of Raven's death had pained her little brother.

 

_So much to tell you_

_But most of all goodbye_

_I know that you can't hear me anymore_

 

They hadn't even been able to recover the body, though it had been a full week before Elsword had finally stopped searching and admitted to himself that Raven was.... was.... dead. The useless jacket was still in Elsword's room, along with Raven's blade. He couldn't bring himself to throw away the last reminders of his precious boyfriend, and he couldn't stop himself from reliving those terrible hours in his sleep.

 

_It's so loud inside my head_

_With words that I should have said_

_But as I drown in my regrets_

_I can't take back the words I never said_

 

There was so much that Elsword could never bring himself to say when he had Raven at his side. Even during those quiet nights when Elsword had crawled into bed with the other man, nestling against the other's broad chest as Raven's arm went around him, he couldn't quite bring himself to vocalize anything he felt.

Now, Elsword couldn't believe how _stupid_ he had been, not realizing what he had until it was gone, not openly cherishing Raven until he was dead. And how stupid his death had been! Elsword couldn't forgive himself for it.

 

_Always talking shit_

_Took your advice and did the opposite_

_Just being young and stupid_

 

Raven had never taken any excuses from Elsword, even when they began dating. “Stupid isn't an option for a leader,” he had said, and he'd been right. Elsword had often ignored Raven's cautionary words and made his own rash decisions. Raven had never stopped him from doing that. He had simply sighed and helped Elsword out of whatever predicament he'd gotten into.

Now Elsword wished he had taken Raven's advice, even if just once, and applied it the way Raven had meant it to be applied. If he hadn't rushed forward, even after Raven had warned him about the ambush up ahead, maybe he wouldn't have been trapped. Maybe Raven wouldn't have leapt forward, saving Elsword's life with a quick flurry of slashes from his blade. Maybe Raven wouldn't have pushed Elsword out of the way before a building fell, sending dust into the air and obscuring the fight that Elsword had known was happening from the sounds.

But when the dust cleared, the demons were gone. Raven was gone. The only things left had been his coat, once animated and flowing around its wearer, now lifeless and mangled on the paved marble road of Resiam. And the blade, lying forgotten on the cold ground, the hilt still warm with the heat from Raven's tight grip.

And it was all Elsword's fault.

 

_I haven't been all that you could've hoped for_

_But if you'd held on just a little longer_

_You'd have had more reasons to be proud_

 

Elsword hoped Raven would have approved of the way he pulled himself together after mere minutes of stunned, helpless grief. Eve was watching. Aisha was watching. Rena was watching. Elesis was fighting off demons in a bottleneck up ahead, waiting for help rather impatiently. He couldn't, _wouldn't_ , break down completely in battle.

So he had picked up the jacket, squashing his desire to hug the fabric to himself, crumple to his knees again, and stay like that for a few weeks. He had asked Aisha to go help Elesis, and when the purple-haired girl had teleported away, he wrapped the blade in Raven's torn jacket and went through the motions of leading Eve and Rena around to crush the demons. He had searched the entire city of Resiam for clues to where Raven had disappeared to, all with dry eyes and a knot of terrible grief in his chest. The Shadow Priests that challenged them had been no problem, but they had found neither hide nor hair nor metal shaving of the Blade Master.

Elsword had made himself wait until he was safely in his borrowed room to shatter with despair and rage and guilt and anguished grieving.

 

_So many questions_

_But I'm talking to myself_

_I know that you can't hear me anymore_

_Not anymore_

 

Elsword had tried to keep up with what needed to be done after Raven's death. With the help and support of his friends, they'd managed to flush out the demons from Resiam, and had even ventured into the city after the Water El had gone completely crazy and sunk it deep. But all through it, Elsword was hard-pressed to keep Raven from his thoughts. What attacks would he use? What would he think of the underwater serpents, and what tactics would he suggest to defeat them?

Raven's last words had been hissed between his teeth. “Baka. Get back!” Scolding, stern, but there had always been a hint of affection or at least understanding when Raven had spoken to Elsword. _I love you. Don't get yourself killed._

There had been nothing to indicate that this was the last time they'd see each other, ever. Elsword knew that Raven could fight his way out of those demons. The falling building was another matter. Even Raven, his Raven, the tough fighter that he loved, couldn't fight his way through stone.

 

_So much to tell you_

_But most of all goodbye_

_I know that you can't hear me anymore_

 

Raven knew that Elsword loved him. Elsword had said _that_ much, at least. Raven, too, had stated that he loved Elsword. But Elsword wished he had told Raven more about himself, wished he had asked more about the black-haired man's life. He wished he had shown Raven how much he loved him. He wished he had trained more with him, because now that opportunity was gone. He wished Raven knew that Elsword would now spend hours standing in front of the door to Raven's empty room, hand raised to knock out of habit, half-expecting Raven to open the door and come out any second. Everything inside had been just as Raven had left it.

Most of all, Elsword wanted to kiss Raven goodbye.

 

_It's so loud inside my head_

_With words that I should have said_

_And as I drown in my regrets_

_I can't take back the words I never said_

 

Elsword buried his head in his knees, the wind rising in a crescendo around him, pine needles rustling as some of them fell to the floor. Even the leaves were dying. Did their leafy counterparts pine for them? Or did leaves not think about that like humans did? Elsword made a mental note to ask Rena, but in the back of his mind, he knew he wouldn't remember. Raven would have remembered. Raven had always been Elsword's superior in almost every way, though he would never have admitted it. It was one of the things Elsword had loved about Raven; his disinclination to gloat.

Elsword missed Raven's silence. He missed Raven's voice, too, the low, seductive tones as well as the stern ones, his normal voice that always sounded so serious. He missed Raven's sarcastic observations and his sense of gallows humor, deadpan jokes cracked at the perfect moments to ease tension before a battle or during long planning sessions. He missed Raven's intuitive sense of battles. He missed being comforted by Raven when he was feeling depressed. Raven had always known when Elsword was less than cheerful, and it had been a simple matter for him to cheer up the Lord Knight. Elsword had a harder time cheering Raven up when he needed it, but Elsword had been the only one to successfully wake Raven up from one of his nightmares without being clawed by a certain metal arm.

Elsword missed Raven, and it was made worse by the fact that he wouldn't ever see him again.

 

_The longer I stand here_

_The louder the silence_

_I know that you're gone_

 

Raven's bloody, torn coat and now-cold blade had their own special place in Elsword's room, on a table next to the window. It was surrounded by all the gifts Raven had ever given Elsword, and the memories there were so fraught with sadness that Elsword teared up every time he looked in that direction.

 

_But sometimes I swear that I hear_

_Your voice when the wind blows_

_So I talk to the shadows_

_Hoping you might be listening_

_Because I want you to know_

 

Elsword looked up, staring into the gathering darkness of the pine forest. The wind blew around him, gently playing with his red hair and ruffling the cloth parts of his armor. He ignored the ticklish sensation. That wasn't the touch he craved.

“Raven....” he said softly, and he could have sworn he heard the Blade Master's voice in response. But he knew it was just his desperate imagination. Raven was.... Raven was....

Dead.

“It's so _loud_ inside my head,” Elsword whispered, addressing himself to the darkness and shadow that Raven had loved so much. “With words that I should have said. But as I...” he searched for the right word; he had never been much good with words. His voice caught in his throat as he said, “drown.... In my regrets.... I can't take back the words I never said.” He buried his face in his knees, a strangled sob choking him as he repeated the last words. “I can't take back the words I never said....”

The wind rustled the leaves around the small, desolate Lord Knight, and the shadows didn't respond to his renewed flow of tears.


End file.
